Faith & Trust

Hello, it's been a while....gosh how days can fly by!  Pretty soon those days have turned into weeks and then before you know it, it's been a month....and well, you get my drift - it's been too long.

Well, on Thursday, we will be hitting the road again for another conference with Cru in Colorado.  It is our follow up training conference and we are very excited!  The conference will be from the 9th through the 12th.  It is always nice to be surrounded by others who are working on support raising as well.  The main focus of this training is financial stewartship.  We are looking forward to what we will learn and hearing from some great leaders.  If you could please pray for our safe travels up to Colorado and back.  It will be about a 17 hour drive for us.  It seems that we will mostly be driving through a rain and snow mixture, haha....quite the transition from Arizona weather :).  But we are also very excited for some cool weather! :)

On one of our days off last week we met up with some friends that live here and hiked out to this waterfall....yes, in Arizona, haha.  I was surprised AZ had something like this ;).  It was so nice to take a break in nature and enjoy a beautiful hike - isn't it amazing how God created all this!! :)

So, you might be thinking...what's been going on lately?  It's hard to completely put into words all that we have been learning since arriving to Arizona.  I guess I could start by saying that we have definitely had our ups and downs.  Not in a bad way, but a good realizing you need more of God way....if that makes sense ;).  Because we are choosing to serve in full time ministry, I think often times people think we are more "holy" or "worthy" than they might think they are or feel they are....when in reality, we are no more worthy or holy.  If you are a Christian, we are all called to ministry in our own way - whether it's serving in your local community, being a light for Christ in your office cubical, while hanging out with friends, and with strangers you meet in passing....we are all called to LOVE and to share Christ through our lives in all we do.  Whether that sharing is through actions or words, God has called us each in one way or another.  The fact of the matter is though, that all of us will fail at this at one time or another....I know there have been many times where I have failed miserably.  That doesn't make us bad or unworthy, but should hopefully make us realize just how much more we need Christ - because it's impossible to do without Him.   

It's funny how God works.  I was definitely one of those people for a while who would look at my friends who were missionaries in other countries and states serving and think, "wow, that's so great for THEM, but I could never do that."  Oh believe me, I definitely felt God calling me into some sort of full time ministry....but did I WANT to do that at that point in my life - no.  I wanted security, comfort, and not having to "worry" or think about raising support - that was how I looked at it at the time.  I would look at my friends in ministry that raised their funds to get to where they were, who led Bible studies, who discipled others and think....that's so amazing, but I am so not equipped or "good" enough and well, that's just too hard to do all that.  Well, here I am...still not feeling worthy to be doing what I'm doing, but I am here because I know I'm called and I've realized all that stuff I placed value in before doesn't matter in the end.  And that it's through allowing people to see my weakness, my imperfections and how God has moved and worked in my life - basically just being REAL - that can be what makes a bigger impression....rather than looking "good" or perfect all the time (that's just not real).  I know that's how God has used many (many of those people were those missionary friends :) ) to make a huge impression on my life.  But anyway, like I said....funny how God works, haha.

Why am I telling you all this?  Well, as I said before - this last month or so has definitely brought it's ups and downs.  But not in a bad way.  We have both been learning even more so how much we need to depend on God in everything.  Sounds like something we should already have down pat by now, huh?  I think it's a constant struggle for many....why?  Maybe because we are all selfish in one way shape or form.  We might be selfish in that we want a "say" - we want control in some way over our lives....it's a lot harder to COMPLETELY trust our lives into God's hands.  It's not that we don't desire to completely trust...but there are times when we allow other things to get in the way of that.  I am definitely speaking about myself on this one.  It is so easy at times, especially when things aren't in "my" timing ;), to start to take control and start to try to figure it out on my own....when really all God is wanting me to do is surrender it ALL to Him, and die to myself.  It's hard.  It sometimes takes me learning the hard way to realize I wasn't completely letting go to God's timing and what He wanted.  You know, after I've tried whatever it is on my own and then realizing after I created an even bigger mess or made things worse, that I should have waited on God and trusted Him completely from the get go ;)...yeah, those times will sure teach you a lot, haha.  As we continue on in this journey of building partnerships with those interested in supporting our ministry, we have learned to die to ourselves daily even more so.  We have no control over when we will be at 100% and we have to completely trust God.  It can be hard when you don't always feel like you have much control ;) ....it is definitely a huge faith builder.

It would be even harder to do something like this without the passion and calling we feel for the ministry we will be working with - at times, that is all you have to fall back on.  Especially when what we are doing is so "out of the norm" -most especially in American society.  God has been growing us through it all - it is definitely a refinement process.  We know that His plan is so much better than ours will ever be, that HIS timing is the RIGHT timing and that it most likely will not be when we think it is ;).  We have been so blessed by others who have poured into our lives by allowing God to use them to encourage us, pray with us and for us and or to just to walk along side us.  We are not "more special" than anyone else, we are simply trying to do what every Christ follower -no matter what their job title, how little or how much money they make, or where they are in life - is called to do...to live by faith daily, to die to ourselves daily and allow Christ to work in our lives.  To be dependent on Him and not ourselves.  It is a process, it can be hard...it's not our natural tendency even.  God wants a relationship with us...and the great thing is that he loves us no matter how miserably we fail.

Everyday we learn more and more to depend more on Christ for EVERYTHING.  Sometimes it is hard to not know where things might be headed at times....how long we will be in this stage of our journey....and how God will provide....but, lately I have been even more so reminded that it doesn't matter that I don't know - God knows - and sometimes I just need to sit tight and trust that.  Lord, please forgive me when I say I trust you but don't act like it when I try to take things into my own hands.

In the end, it doesn't matter what your job title is....how many material possessions you have, how little or much money....are you living for Christ in all you do?  Are you dying to yourself daily?  As Christians we are ALL missionaries.  We should all be living for Him in all we do through our lives, through our words and through loving others.  It's a daily decision and requires sacrifice and dying to yourself- are you going to get up tomorrow and live for Him, or live for you? 

 _________________

"I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.  For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."  

Philippians 1:20-21

"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."  

Ephesians 5:1-2